All we have
by Oxza
Summary: Even though Sasuke was her moon and Naruto was her sun. Kakashi was her stars. Always fleeting and brightening the darkest of nights, the brightness almost suffocating when the moon was not present. Watching her invisibly behind the bright rays of the sun. Always surrounding her. The copious numbers never making her feel alone.
1. Lights will guide you home

All we have

_The feels from this latest chapters my dear, ugh my kokoro._

_I thought of a plausible "canon-esque" ending of the war_

_There would be a sequel I think but for now here are some feels _

_The humble beginings of KakaSaku (not that it hasn't started but you know what I mean)_

The hot shards of sand ebbed coldly on her lacerated cheeks. The revelation of victory was displaced in the hallow battle ground. The cause of this lack of triumph was the cemetery of unburied bodies scattered and strewn in the cracked earth.

She stood in front of two. Her grasp on any visible emotion was beyond her reach at that point. People spoke words at her and placed soothing and knowing hands on her shoulder, yet she had gone deaf. Her ears ringing as her moon and her sun had taken their leave in her life, leaving her world all but black.

Their bodies' were flocked by other living bodies. All of which cried and moaned at the loss.

For some reason she couldn't find herself to do the same. All she could do was remember.

Remember when whiskered cheeks were not so hallowed and bruised, but plump and decorated with a childish grin. He had nothing, but he became something. Something that even a Hokage could not rival, he gave many people a purpose – a pursuit of sorts to continue their lives. He was the epitome of love and determination; he gave a new meaning to being a shinobi. One that shook the very grounds his and her ancestors walked. He had _so _much going for him, he was _so_ young. He was _so _precious.

She never lied about loving him. The context may have been not correct. But she did whole heartedly love him.

Her eyes shifted to the one who claimed her heart first. His skin still retained the slight tan he had despite the loss of warmth in his skin. He still held the boyish charmed features on his face that made her fawn over him in her juvenile years. The last Uchiha. He struggled and fought for his life till the bitter end. The young man next to him had gone before him. She fretted over him thinking that she could _at least_ save him. But that look in his eyes he gave her so gentle and fleeting, and with his remaining strength grabbed her hand and croaked the words, "_Thank you"_ before his blood stained eyes closed a final time. She knew in her mind this moment would haunt her for the rest of her life.

_Why?_

They both lost so much in life, they deserved so much more.

Their families died in vain for them.

These two had been what consumed her life for the past ten years. They were all she knew.

Was it childish and naïve of her to think that after this whole conundrum that they could all go back to Ichiraku's just for kicks, and live happily ever after?

The thought of team seven together shook Sakura back to reality. Her body moved frantically causing people to look up in alarm. She couldn't lose the rest of them too. She couldn't lose _him._ He was the only living proof that the original team seven actually existed.

She started running in a panic through the throngs of people, her eyes darting left to right. A few minutes later she sought out the ink master and the wood master ninja receiving medical attention, with a sigh of relief she noticed it was for minor injuries. She unfortunately didn't find a familiar shock of white hair. Which once again sent her heart sputtering.

Fatigue started lacing with her bodily functions, but she pushed on.

The sun was setting upon the blood soaked battlefield.

All because of one man and his hatred. All these lives thrown out of balance because of that.

The groups of people regrouping was thinning out as she continued her search for him.

Her emerald eyes widened as she took in the scene before her.

The final remnants of the reanimation jutsu fading the form that held the copy ninja tightly. As she walked closer she realized it was the fourth Hokage. Her mind was confused as to why was the man not mourning his son's loss while he still could. But then she realized that they'd soon be reunited soon enough. She also realized that the copy ninja stood rigid as he was embraced, his hands still at his sides. His fists opening and closing.

Then he disappeared with a final smile that paid homage to his late son. It was only then he noticed her. For the first time the years evident on his face. He held his hand out to her, "Looks like it's just you and me."

Her eyebrows knitted as she ran up to him. His eyes softened as she grabbed at his torn flak jacket, burying her head into his stitched middle. He wound his arms around her shoulders and looked down at her dusted locks.

"You did well." He spoke softly, "I'm proud of you."

She started to sob at that moment. And he let her.

He knew this loss all too well, the bitterness and resentment that clung to his tongue and heart all those years. Now had finally dissipated, but lingered slightly looking at her small form.

"We can't have you turning into a sad old man like me now can we?" He spoke thoughtfully.

She laughed through the tears, "Trust me, I won't grow a fetish for those silly books of yours."

He chuckled slightly as they shifted so that they were supporting each other as they trudged towards the crowd of people. As he eyed many worried individuals walking towards Sakura and their newer additions to team seven. He gripped her shoulder softly. She stopped and looked up at him like all those other times. She gave a wistful smile; he was reassuring her like all those times. Her eyes stung with tears.

"We'll get through this together. That's what teammates are for." He spoke quietly

As the crowd of people moved to envelop her she looked up at him anxiously, "Please don't leave me, you're all I have." She said breathlessly.

"Never" He said without missing a beat, he smiled gently.

His words reassured her as she let her body relax and gently fall into unconsciousness. The people around her began to panic. Kakashi held his hand up calmly as his other arm moved to support her, "She's been through a lot. She's just tired."

A few sighs of relief filled the air.

He moved to carry her. Her head lulled on his shoulder.

Maybe he never had a chance with his old team seven, but this time as he looked down at her, he vowed to never let anything happen to her as long as he was alive and kicking. She was the heart of the team. And he would never let team seven die.

Or her.

Because he had nothing left.

All they had was each other now.

And that's all that mattered.

_Oh and here's a thought:_

_Even though Sasuke was her moon and Naruto was her sun. Kakashi is her stars. Always fleeting and brightening the darkest of nights. Always surrounding her. The copious numbers never making her feel alone._

_May stay as a one shot but I'm planning to make it sort of like an anthology or drabbles of how their relationship progresses through the years. I want this to be more relaxed – the 'chapters' will be short but the content will be worth while….atleast I hope so._

_Oh and I'm sorry for the lack of updates but college & new country ya know?_

_I'm thinking hopefully maybe sometime next week I'll update White Knight fingers crossed_

_I love you all_

_Much love_

OXZA


	2. I'll be your strength

All WE have

2

To be strong for you.

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Kakashi found that there were mornings Sakura would be at the memorial grounds before he arrived, most of the time she appeared after he came for his little "ritual".

That was in the _beginning_.

As the days and weeks trudged on, he found that Sakura was _always _at the memorial and before him at that. His heart ached to see her like this, especially when he had experienced the same very thing, only she had lost her teammates to war not to her own negligence.

She didn't cry he noted. Not at the funerals, not on their frequent get togethers after her long shifts at the hospital, not when she was with her girlfriends, not _ever_. This honestly bothered Kakashi. Was she bottling everything up in that thinning body of hers? If so there were hardly anymore crevices in her to place any etching of this sorrow. She was a living and mobile ticking time bomb.

Of course Sakura wasn't someone who wanted people to pity her. And so she stayed strong, at times _too_ strong. She always guarded her emotions a far cry from her genin days. She learned how to smile and laugh again a week after the memorial. But that wasn't enough. She worked herself to the bone through double and sometimes triple shifts at the hospital.

Tsunade had put her under the microscope about it, but Sakura reassured her she was fine. Tsunade knew better but quite frankly she had a village to rebuild and political ties to rekindle.

There wasn't really anyone looking after her. Her parents had left the village in hopes to start anew, they wanted Sakura to tag along, but she had too much here in Konoha to leave behind.

And so she worked and worked.

One time Kakashi asked her why she did this during one of their spontaneously post work walks, as she visibly complained about being tired all the time.

"It's the only thing I _know _that'll always be there for me. People die. They come and they go. But my job at the hospital, it'll always be there for me, if not then on the field during a mission. I guess it's a guilty distraction. When I'm in there, I have to forget about me and everyone I know. It's not about me it's about the patient. I'm in there for them, the people. They need to _feel_ that they are being taken care of and that they'll be ok, I mean if they don't then what's the point of trying to save people?" She smiled wistfully as she spoke these words.

"Does it make you feel better?" Kakashi asked giving her a thoughtful look.

Sakura mulled over his words for a moment then spoke, "I feel like it _should_, but I've lost that satisfaction. It's become more a service, not something for me to relish on the skills I've been taught." Sakura looked at him seriously, her words aging her beyond her youth.

Kakashi then coined a question, "Then what do you feel when you leave the hospital, when it's not about _them_ but about _you_."

Sakura shook her head and laughed in spite of herself, "Do you even need to ask that question?" she answered cryptically.

Kakashi then looked away from her, his mind admonishing himself for asking such a sensitive question.

They stayed silent for a few moments as they walked through the bustling night life of Konoha. When they came towards Sakura's apartment building, Sakura stopped walking. Kakashi turned to meet her tired emerald eyes.

Her fists opened and closed around the sides of her white lab coat, considering whether or not to speak. But then she spoke,"I feel terrible."

Kakashi's eyes widened as he realized she was answering his earlier question.

She continued, "When I walk out of that hospital I think, "Oh wow look at how many people you saved today Sakura!" but then I think how the hell was I able to save all those people – people I don't care or know about. How could I save them and not save _two_ of the most important people in my life. That's how I feel every time I walk out that hospital." Sakura's voice croaked as she ranted through her fatigue.

Kakashi's eyes visibly softened, he couldn't find any sage words to lift her spirits. He instead awkwardly made his way towards her and placed a reassuring squeeze on her shoulder, "Those two lived ten lifetimes in their one life. Their lives were so concentrated, not as diluted and dull as most of other people's lives. There was never a dull moment that is certain. That's why it hurts, because they were so full of life, no?" Kakashi supplied

Sakura slowly nodded.

"And then BOOM!" he continued suddenly becoming more passionate in his little speech.

Sakura shook slightly from the spike in the volume of his voice.

"They're gone. Just as brightly as they came." Kakashi finished.

Sakura looked up at him and smiled sadly, "Sometimes when I think about their deaths. I'm happy. I'm happy because they didn't die trying to kill each other, instead they died helping one another. That gives me a peace of mind."

Kakashi smiled gently at Sakura's revelation, "To say they lasted that long without killing each other is something to marvel on its own." He chuckled.

Sakura perked up and let out a soft laugh.

Kakashi released his hand from her shoulder and she looked up, Kakashi searched her eyes and then the dimming horizon behind her, "It's ok to miss them Sakura. Don't tell yourself not to. It'll only weigh you down more. That's something I didn't realize until it was too late." He spoke.

And with those words he departed with a "Good night"

Sakura simply waved at his back, "But missing them makes everything all the more harder." She whispered to herself as she walked up the stairs to her apartment.

She didn't sleep.

Not a wink.

It was a sort of ritual now. She'd work passed the point of exhaustion, meet up with Kakashi or Ino after work, go home and just lie on the bed and pretend to sleep. She had lost any appetite for sleep after relishing the company of nightmares that ensued after the war. Lots of these nightmares were often times memories – but memories were just as painful as a nightmare only they were _real_.

When the bed wouldn't soothe her aching back, or a book couldn't hold her attention, she'd take a walk. These walks usually ended up having her unconsciously walking to the memorial. It was only then she felt comfortable enough to sleep. Only for a little while. She'd unconsciously doze off mid thought or sentence as she spoke to her deceased teammates.

If only they could see what they left behind in the wake of their deaths.

She was tired. Initially Sakura was tired from her own personal fatigue, secondly from all the emotional baggage the war had ensued. Not once was she able to let herself be herself. She was a crutch for Ino who was still trying to get over her father's death; Ino was also Shikamru's crutch which only made her more depressed which in turn was piled _onto_ Sakura during their little "deep and meaningful" talk sessions.

Tsunade was swept up with her duties as a Hokage and Shizune was doing her best to assist Tsunade in every way she could. Which left the hospital in Sakura's hands, this was almost like having a person suffocate her but at the same time allowing a little air to circulate in her body just enough for her to skid through life. Paperwork, overseeing surgeries, training and all the "perks" of being the head medic of the hospital just kept piling up. She was only one person, and some people unfortunately didn't understand that. She had to fight for her respect and her title, to show she earned it through true hard work not just because she was the apprentice of Lady Tsunade.

Her team – what team? Each separated doing their own little thing. They _tried_ at the very least to meet up once a week to have dinner or anything. Because of Sakura being holed up in the hospital, not many missions were sent their way, which cause the remaining three men of the team to re-enlist in ANBU.

Kakashi honestly made an effort; she had to admire him for that. If he wasn't on a mission, he'd meet her after her last shift no matter how late. He'd ask her how her day was and how was everything. He made her feel normal. He'd talk about his newest venture on being "lost on the path of life" which usually left Sakura gasping for air from laughter. Because of this it got hard when he was away on a mission. She also worried; she'd have panic attacks of losing him just like Naruto and Sasuke. She never told him about it, she didn't want to burden him even more.

She felt like he was only acting like this because it was his duty, as her team leader, not as a close friend. She realized she was wrong. He did actually care for her.

This would be the first of many times he'd prove her wrong.

On one of the many mornings she was at the memorial, he accosted her.

"You aren't sleeping." He spoke slightly angered.

She didn't replied because of her utter shock in his blunt accusation, she moved to stand up and excuse herself for work, but Kakashi stood towering over her with his arms crossed, "You aren't going anywhere until we sort this out. You look like you're going to drop dead any minute now." He said disapprovingly, "I thought you'd know better. You used to always admonish us for not taking care of ourselves, now I'm going to do the same."

Sakura's eyes widened and she flushed with embarrassment having her own words used against her.

His voice softened, "Talk to me Sakura. I don't know what's going on in that little head of yours. These days you don't speak as freely as you used to, everything is fabricated to please me or others."

He looked at her once more sighing, dropping the antagonistic stance and tone, "What's bothering you so much that it's causing you to be anything but yourself? You're not as easy to read as Sasuke and Naruto I'll give you that."

Sakura was stubborn and tried to skate around the whole issue, "We can talk about this after my shift, I need to go now or they'll have my head."

She moved to leave but Kakashi stopped her, "Tsunade has given you the week off. So you don't have to worry about your head rolling, not until next week at least. So we have all the time in the world to talk." His eyes turned up in his trademark chirpy attitude, but Sakura couldn't help but feel like he was acting condescendingly towards her.

"I'm not you enemy" He offered her perplexed look, "Why can't you get it; I'm here to help you. I'm here _for _you. And I'll be damned till the day I die that I'll be that sorry old man who'll listen to you."

Sakura felt her blood rush in her ears. She just stared at him, for the first time in a long time her emotions finally got the better of her. _He really did care about her_. Her eyes welled up with stinging tears, "Why" she choked and sniffed, "WHY? Why don't you just give up on me?"

Her lips wobbled as she fought back her tears from spilling over.

He took one of his hands out of his pockets and placed it on the top of her head, "Because I had nobody there for me and I sure as hell don't want anyone to go through what I went through alone." He said softly, "I lost myself, and when I finally found myself I wasted so much of my life, you still got so much ahead of you."

The tears began to fall and Kakashi ducked her head forward gently, so her face was hidden; only the ground could witness her contorted face.

Kakashi looked up at the ascending sun, and then looked down at the young woman.

"You don't have to be strong for anyone Sakura, if it's too hard to do it by yourself, I'll be strong for you until one day you can be strong all on your own. It's OK to not feel OK." He said gently beckoning her to pull her head up and look at him.

He looked into her face, "I'll be your strength Sakura."

"You mean it?" She asked innocently, Kakashi almost gasped seeing the genin he once taught years ago in her tear streaked face.

"_Do promise sensei that you'll get Sasuke and Naruto back safe and sound."_

"_I promise. You have nothing to worry about, just have faith in your sensei."_

A memory of a time oh so long ago.

He smiled under his mask, "Believe it" he spoke, paying homage to their late teammate's trademark words.

And she only cried harder. And then he did something out of character for him, but he felt the moment called for it, and so he pulled her head into his shoulder, "Take all the time you need. I'm here for you." His flak jacket stained with her salty tears as she borrowed her head closer into his shoulder. She needed this human contact; she missed the warmth of another. It had been weeks since she last touched anyone like this, even with Ino she kept distant. She missed Naruto's bear hugs. Oh how she took them for granted.

"Thank you Kakashi." Sakura whispered into his shoulder.

He smiled to himself as he heard her call him by his first name without the honorific for the first time.

"Anytime"

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Review?

Was it good?

I've updated three times this week which is a feat for me hehe

I'll update soon :)

Much love

OXZA

xoxo


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